Detective Hoffman's Opus

It’s popular to be a hater.  But as the trailers say, “If it’s Halloween, it has to be Saw!” I went with my daughter last night to see Saw 7:3D for Halloween and I was so pleasantly surprised that I dare say I loved it.  Yep.  Loved it!

Of course, we are well-known Jigsaw fans.  This movie did not squelch in the Tobin Bell eye/ear candy, either.  Jigsaw’s (pre-recorded) voice and flashback physique appeared in this one, as well.  Nevertheless, the first 2/3 of the movie are utter crap.  Hoffman, as incompetent as he has always been (on the police force as well as Jigsaw sidekick), continues to bungle his way through John Kramer’s elaborate plots.  Once again, John, in his omnipotent glory, had the time on his death bed to craft yet another funny game for what turns out to be the most contemptible Jigsaw victim to date.


The last 3rd of the movie, however, is a thing of horrific beauty! It is a fast-paced half hour of sheer cliff-hanging slasher genius! Hoffman in his farewell tour gets his comeuppance, old friends return, and the groundwork for 7 more films is laid! Sit through the first to devour the last!

Behold, Bobby, the uber-adjusted fake survivor of a Jigsaw trap.  Yes, fake, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out, either.  Dear Bobby, with his PR whore and sexy female lawyer, lifelong best bud, and trophy wife craft an elaborate scheme to benefit from the fear and sympathy of a public terrorized by the Jigsaw killer.  Bobby creates a story of his kidnapping and ordeal in the clutches of the heinous serial killer, writes a book, produces a video, goes on talk show tours, and runs support groups.  Support groups where he tells his story and attempts to help other Jigsaw survivors handle their psychological baggage.

Of course, the all-knowing Jigsaw witnesses the blasphemy from his stellar throne and calls down upon the head of Bobby and his pals the justice of the traps.

Bobby, as I stated, is the most villainous of Jigsaw’s victims.  I would yank out a tooth and insert a hot poker for any of the drug addict prostitutes in Saw 3 before I would spit on Bobby’s shoe.  What’s he done that makes him so hideous to the eyes of proper society? He’s a liar.  Yep. A liar.  Nothing he says, does, or feels is real.  He creates his reality as he goes along.  I’ve known this person and he is not amusing. 

Jigsaw attempts to teach Bobby a lesson by running him through the typical grindstone that all chosen players have run before.  Will slimy Bobby pass or fail? The choice, as they say, is his.

The 3D is neat and as I’ve nothing to compare it to, really, all I can say is that it is a lot better than the Polar Express in 3D, which is the only other 3D I’ve seen.

Now, we must get into spoilers in order to analyze this movie to its fullest.  I would advise reading the following only after you’ve seen the movie or if you have no desire to see it.

First, Detective Hoffman, that sweet little firebug.  Let’s examine what he’s even doing here.  We all loved Amanda and it hurt us just as  much as it hurt John to have to get rid of her.  We can accept her as his protégé. What about Detective Hoffman? Detective Hoffman is not someone Jigsaw would have respected.  He did not have the intelligence of John Kramer nor the ruthless instincts of Amanda.  And he did not follow the rules at any point since his appearance.  He fumbles his way through the traps and it’s a miracle that he even survived this long. I believe, after seeing this movie, that this was all planned.  It stands to reason that Jigsaw planned for someone to muddle things up and so he used the only cop stupid enough to throw his life and future away on something as elusive as infamous glory.  Hoffman is like a little five year old boy whose mother swatted his hand and sent him to bed without dinner.  All of his traps and all of his interactions with victims are amateurish and lack the style of John Kramer and the finesse of Amanda.  He is but a tool, in several ways, and that is why John had Jill as his eyes and arms and legs throughout the entire Hoffman legacy.

Jill Tucker.  She’s annoying.  She did not try to keep her home together after the loss of her unborn child.  She did have one redeeming quality:  she continued to support John and give him any help she could in his plight to rid the world of jackassery. Heavy spoilers abound, so tread lightly.  Jill has honed a ruthless edge over the years standing in the shadows behind Jigsaw and helping John through his cancer.  She is busy doing his footwork while Hoffman is messing things up and preparing a trap with a person who seems to be basically innocent locked by the neck to a moving platform in the floor.  John Kramer never broke his established rules and he punished Amanda, the child of his heart, and he would not have appreciated Hoffman going about doing just as poor a job of following a few simple rules as Amanda did.

Nevertheless, Hoffman is having little sadistic playtime, and what does Jill, the former chalice of Jigsaw’s seed, do? Gets in his way by predestined order of her dearly departed.  She is paving the way for what could arguably be called Jigsaw’s ultimate plan:  the destruction of the hapless dimwit Detective Hoffman.  Only Hoffman catches her and does the unforgivable.  He murders John’s lady love.  So much less was done by poor Amanda and she received death.  Hoffman deserves hell on earth.  Jigsaw would not have wanted the innocent woman in the trap nor his own beloved to fall victim to a bonnet of his own design.  He deserves to die.


And he probably will. I predict in Saw 8 he will be the best and opening trap! Yes, Detective Hoffman, this was your opus, and you mucked it up!

But there is one thing I want to look into:  Remember our dear Bobby the Liar? Remember those support groups for Jigsaw survivors? Hmmmm….let’s see.

We had in number 1 the following escapees:  Amanda Young later killed by Denlon, Gordon (confirmed escapee by Saw 7), Jeff rumored to have committed suicide later.

In 2 we had:  Daniel Matthews escapee unaccounted for, Eric Matthews later pulled apart in trap.

In 3 we had:  Corbett Denlon who is perceived as being rescued by Hoffman but warned by Amanda not to trust him (hmmmm), Mark Hoffman confirmed survivor.

In 4 we had:  Morgan who escaped with the help of Rigg.

In 5 we had:  unconfirmed escapee Brit, Mallick who did appear in Saw 3D in Bobby’s support group!

And finally in Saw 6 we had:  Addy who was in the support group in Saw 3D, Brent and Tara confirmed escapees, Emily who is in the support group in Saw 3D, Simone the bitter escapee in Saw 3D.

So, with this nice list of escapees, who were the two unknown pigheads at the end alongside our long lost doctor friend??? With Dr. Gordon tossing out the saw, how will Hoffman get out of the shitter? And if he doesn't what will happen to him? These questions and more will be answered on the next exciting episode of As the Blade Turns.

Couple of hidden gems in my to-watch pile

These movies do not have historical settings, but they are part of my to-watch pile, or were, for the to-watch pile project.  I did not expect to enjoy either of them as much as I did and decided to pass along the info in case anyone else might be putting off watching them in their piles.

1. Isolation (2005)- The back of this DVD case had a write-up that made the movie sound like a Saw rip-off in which people were used for medical experiments on an isolated farm. I bought it very cheap at a closing video store sale and had it for a couple months before I finally put it in. I was pleasantly surprised. The movie was not a Saw rip-off at all; on the contrary, the experiments were not on people, but on farm animals, namely cows. The acting was more than passable, with Sean Harris playing a farmer who is being paid by a scientist to use his farm and animals for an experiment to improve the production of beef. Sean has a lot of TV credits and a few movies but most notably will be playing in the upcoming Borgias series. The special effects were good and minimal for what they were and the supporting cast was excellent. The story and direction were solid and expressed a good deal of tension and a few startling moments.

I very much enjoyed it and will definitely watch it again. I’d never heard of it when I picked it up, and the subject matter of cows seemed silly at first, but it was well done and fairly realistic in plot and approach. I’d say this one is most definitely worth checking out.

2. Zzyzx (2006)

 This is a straight to DVD thriller that I suspected less than nothing from. The basic premise is that two men who are barely acquaintances make a cross-desert drive to Vegas. Despite warnings that Zzyzx Road in California is a highway that should be avoided due to the lack of anything but barren desert, they decide to take it. Along the way, the relationship between the two becomes strained when they hit and kill a man staggering down the desert road. Afraid of being caught, they wrap him in a blanket and put him in the back seat, during which time the man’s wife, out looking for him, arrives on the scene. The two offer to drive her back to her RV with the body of her husband hidden in the backseat.

What follows is a twist and turn of alliances, deceit, and confusion as the three tourists craft and exact their own plots upon each other. What made this thriller remarkable was that the twists went a different direction than the average thriller, the acting was superb, and the direction was pretty tight. Some of the camera techniques were irritating, but those were few and far enough between. Robyn Cohen, the female lead, was excellent, sleazy, and crafty. She did a more than adequate job, as did everyone on the cast despite having very little on their IMDB pages. Kenny Johnson, with a lot of TV work behind him, and Ryan Fox both played their parts with perfection. The story was very satisfying and there were some unique little scenes that I had not encountered before in thrillers that I was extraordinarily pleased with. I will watch this one again as well.