Saturday, October 30, 2010

Detective Hoffman's Opus

It’s popular to be a hater.  But as the trailers say, “If it’s Halloween, it has to be Saw!” I went with my daughter last night to see Saw 7:3D for Halloween and I was so pleasantly surprised that I dare say I loved it.  Yep.  Loved it!

Of course, we are well-known Jigsaw fans.  This movie did not squelch in the Tobin Bell eye/ear candy, either.  Jigsaw’s (pre-recorded) voice and flashback physique appeared in this one, as well.  Nevertheless, the first 2/3 of the movie are utter crap.  Hoffman, as incompetent as he has always been (on the police force as well as Jigsaw sidekick), continues to bungle his way through John Kramer’s elaborate plots.  Once again, John, in his omnipotent glory, had the time on his death bed to craft yet another funny game for what turns out to be the most contemptible Jigsaw victim to date.

The last 3rd of the movie, however, is a thing of horrific beauty! It is a fast-paced half hour of sheer cliff-hanging slasher genius! Hoffman in his farewell tour gets his comeuppance, old friends return, and the groundwork for 7 more films is laid! Sit through the first to devour the last!

Behold, Bobby, the uber-adjusted fake survivor of a Jigsaw trap.  Yes, fake, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out, either.  Dear Bobby, with his PR whore and sexy female lawyer, lifelong best bud, and trophy wife craft an elaborate scheme to benefit from the fear and sympathy of a public terrorized by the Jigsaw killer.  Bobby creates a story of his kidnapping and ordeal in the clutches of the heinous serial killer, writes a book, produces a video, goes on talk show tours, and runs support groups.  Support groups where he tells his story and attempts to help other Jigsaw survivors handle their psychological baggage.

Of course, the all-knowing Jigsaw witnesses the blasphemy from his stellar throne and calls down upon the head of Bobby and his pals the justice of the traps.

Bobby, as I stated, is the most villainous of Jigsaw’s victims.  I would yank out a tooth and insert a hot poker for any of the drug addict prostitutes in Saw 3 before I would spit on Bobby’s shoe.  What’s he done that makes him so hideous to the eyes of proper society? He’s a liar.  Yep. A liar.  Nothing he says, does, or feels is real.  He creates his reality as he goes along.  I’ve known this person and he is not amusing. 

Jigsaw attempts to teach Bobby a lesson by running him through the typical grindstone that all chosen players have run before.  Will slimy Bobby pass or fail? The choice, as they say, is his.

The 3D is neat and as I’ve nothing to compare it to, really, all I can say is that it is a lot better than the Polar Express in 3D, which is the only other 3D I’ve seen.

Now, we must get into spoilers in order to analyze this movie to its fullest.  I would advise reading the following only after you’ve seen the movie or if you have no desire to see it.

First, Detective Hoffman, that sweet little firebug.  Let’s examine what he’s even doing here.  We all loved Amanda and it hurt us just as  much as it hurt John to have to get rid of her.  We can accept her as his protégé. What about Detective Hoffman? Detective Hoffman is not someone Jigsaw would have respected.  He did not have the intelligence of John Kramer nor the ruthless instincts of Amanda.  And he did not follow the rules at any point since his appearance.  He fumbles his way through the traps and it’s a miracle that he even survived this long. I believe, after seeing this movie, that this was all planned.  It stands to reason that Jigsaw planned for someone to muddle things up and so he used the only cop stupid enough to throw his life and future away on something as elusive as infamous glory.  Hoffman is like a little five year old boy whose mother swatted his hand and sent him to bed without dinner.  All of his traps and all of his interactions with victims are amateurish and lack the style of John Kramer and the finesse of Amanda.  He is but a tool, in several ways, and that is why John had Jill as his eyes and arms and legs throughout the entire Hoffman legacy.

Jill Tucker.  She’s annoying.  She did not try to keep her home together after the loss of her unborn child.  She did have one redeeming quality:  she continued to support John and give him any help she could in his plight to rid the world of jackassery. Heavy spoilers abound, so tread lightly.  Jill has honed a ruthless edge over the years standing in the shadows behind Jigsaw and helping John through his cancer.  She is busy doing his footwork while Hoffman is messing things up and preparing a trap with a person who seems to be basically innocent locked by the neck to a moving platform in the floor.  John Kramer never broke his established rules and he punished Amanda, the child of his heart, and he would not have appreciated Hoffman going about doing just as poor a job of following a few simple rules as Amanda did.

Nevertheless, Hoffman is having little sadistic playtime, and what does Jill, the former chalice of Jigsaw’s seed, do? Gets in his way by predestined order of her dearly departed.  She is paving the way for what could arguably be called Jigsaw’s ultimate plan:  the destruction of the hapless dimwit Detective Hoffman.  Only Hoffman catches her and does the unforgivable.  He murders John’s lady love.  So much less was done by poor Amanda and she received death.  Hoffman deserves hell on earth.  Jigsaw would not have wanted the innocent woman in the trap nor his own beloved to fall victim to a bonnet of his own design.  He deserves to die.

And he probably will. I predict in Saw 8 he will be the best and opening trap! Yes, Detective Hoffman, this was your opus, and you mucked it up!

But there is one thing I want to look into:  Remember our dear Bobby the Liar? Remember those support groups for Jigsaw survivors? Hmmmm….let’s see.

We had in number 1 the following escapees:  Amanda Young later killed by Denlon, Gordon (confirmed escapee by Saw 7), Jeff rumored to have committed suicide later.
In 2 we had:  Daniel Matthews escapee unaccounted for, Eric Matthews later pulled apart in trap.
In 3 we had:  Corbett Denlon who is perceived as being rescued by Hoffman but warned by Amanda not to trust him (hmmmm), Mark Hoffman confirmed survivor.
In 4 we had:  Morgan who escaped with the help of Rigg.
In 5 we had:  unconfirmed escapee Brit, Mallick who did appear in Saw 3D in Bobby’s support group!
And finally in Saw 6 we had:  Addy who was in the support group in Saw 3D, Brent and Tara confirmed escapees, Emily who is in the support group in Saw 3D, Simone the bitter escapee in Saw 3D.

So, with this nice list of escapees, who were the two unknown pigheads at the end alongside our long lost doctor friend??? With Dr. Gordon tossing out the saw, how will Hoffman get out of the shitter? And if he doesn't what will happen to him? These questions and more will be answered on the next exciting episode of As the Blade Turns.


  1. Yay! So glad you enjoyed it!
    The main game (Bobby's) reminded me of the first Saw. The traps were possible to survive and I think that increased the tension for me. And the ending was too fucking awesome :D

    But I will add that the actors who played Jill Tucker and Detective Gibson need to be tried for crimes against humanity for their acting. It's a good thing I didn't give a shit about their storyline.

  2. Oh, god, I cannot STAND Jill's actress. She looks like she had so much plastic surgery she is about to turn into something else altogether. she is very annoying. I think if they had a better actress for her, then people would have cared more. My daughter was like, when he put her in the trap, "And now, the moment we've all been waiting for!" LOL